Don’t go clowning around, that 5K run looks serious

They make kids laugh. They’re always at birthday parties.

Sure, clowns are a staple of family fun, but I gotta tell ya, they scare the bleep out of me.

My friends laugh at what they consider an irrational — it’s not irrational, OK? — fixation. Clowns are freaky. My boyfriend wonders what I would do if he dressed as Bozo and woke me up one night.

For the record, I’d have a heart attack.

A short year ago, clowns made the top of a relatively short list of fears.

Rounding out the top three were being the fat person who breaks a piece of furniture, and mayflies.

Today, that list is altered somewhat.

I’ve lost 66 pounds and about 60 inches, so breaking chairs — a feat I accomplished last September — is a distant yet poignant memory.

But some things never change.

Clowns — still scary.

Flimsy furniture — not so much.

Like any evolving list, however, mine felt empty with only two fears my friends and loved ones could exploit. So my personal trainer has made it her mission to keep the balance by replacing my fear of weak chairs.

I’m training for a 5K.

Now my top fears are:

• Clowns.

• Throwing up in front of a group of athletes I don’t know.

• Mayflies.

The last time I ran any significant amount was in middle school. I wasn’t being chased, I was being tested in gym class.

My competitive nature prevented me from joining most of my other classmates in a leisurely walk around the track. I could run a seven-minute mile.

I didn’t throw up — as a teenager I would have rather jumped in front of a train than done anything uncool — but for three days afterward I felt like I had gargled glass.

Now, well, I’ve come to terms with my nerdiness. I’m not cool. I know it, my body knows it. So what’s stopping a reversal all over the sidewalk?

Determination.

We all have irrational fears. Some people won’t touch raw meat. Others refuse to walk barefoot in the grass.

That’s fine. A little fear goes a long way in helping a person get motivated.

I hate clowns. But if one confronted me in the street, I’d look it in the eye and land a solid right hook.

Same goes with this 5K.

I’m going to knock it out because I know I can.

Sure, I might lose my lunch on the sidewalk. But at least I will have tried.

Conquering fears is a great feeling. I see it as a reward for all the hard work I’ve endured the past 11 months.

A 5K is intimidating, sure. It’s also a great way to remind myself how far I’ve come.

Keep the clowns away, please.

I’ll take my chances with running.

My next weigh-in is Sept. 2. Videos from my past weigh-ins are available on YouTube.

Tags: li estyle, weight, cullen